i cannot run in a clog...i do need help...please

life has been so cruel to me lately. its been four months now and i still can't quite figure out what is wrong with my life and why i have to go through all of this. i've been worried about you this whole 4 months and these peoples keep telling me that it is not worth it. they kept whispering to my ears that i've been dope and how poor i am. i hate it so much. i don't know which one to listen to, which one to ignore and which one that i should never give a damn! for all this time, i know it has always be me who will be put the blame on. but why it has to be me? for all i know, i have been so tolerate with you, i have given up so much of my life just to understand you. does it ever occur to you how would i felt being abandoned like this with no ideas of what is going on or what so ever! alright, attention everyone, keep avoiding me! i am so contagious!
this time around, it is so difficult and i can't do it on my own...please, i need help. i'm screaming for help but why would anyone bother? what good does it bring to them right?

judgemental

i hv always judge my decision...not to say that i am regretting them. it just sometime i don't do things because i think it is right or it is what i really want. am i so stupid? cause i really feel like one now. of all the people, you are the person that i am hoping who would support me, agree with me, whether i'm right or wrong, you are the one that i want to be there by my side no matter what. for just once, why can't you agree with on certain things. i don't ask much but your support. it is that keep me going....:(

is dis goodbye?

jus went bac from putrajaya,wat an experience ive gained n ive walked another step! yay! bac 2 whre i am, n nothing seems right, nothing seems 2b where they supposed 2b...now, im packing my bac for my 2months break, bac 2 my hometown, n leave all of dis, don wanna think bout it anymore. eventho it hurts me so, its better dis way. i think this is d n between us. theres no more us jus u,me. theres u, heres me...
nothing i cn change now evn i cry my heart out...its ok, time 2 move on now...its jus not worth da fight anymore. leaving tm n ready 2 start my new life...so long! (finger cross for a better days 2 come)

hmm...so sleepy...finally today runs quite smooth and everything seems to be fall into the right places. i have called my mom and wish her happy mother's day! yay! did'nt get the chance to talk to my dad, he's at work when i called home, but it's ok...i've done what my heart tells me to do.
and about, hmmm what can i say about you...it's all about you, it has always been about you...i don't wannabe selfish, i don't wanna sound paranoia, but i think we don't connect as we use to do now. i can count how many times you say i love you in a week! compare to the good old days where you says i love you more then 10 times a day! what had happened? are we cool? i hope it's just me, hope everything is ok. so sleepy cannot think anymore.
btw, happy mother's day once again to all mothers....peace

mother's day

hmm...mom,happy mother's day...i wish i could say it but i don't know how to say it. why it is hard for me to admit my mistakes! so many mistakes i have made but yet still could not find the right moment to say how sorry i am! argh!!!! i hate myself so much! last night, when daddy called me, i really want to talk to you so dearly! but after talking to you few seconds, i know you still mad at me and i never blame you for that....i know it has always be my mistakes, i know that. and it breakes my heart when you just pass the phone over to some one else, when all i want to do is just talking to you....and i...hate myself...i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.....(what more can i say) hmmm

the sound of your voice still echoes in my head, those words still linger in my mind...whatever happened that day, and how you felt was never my intention, and u should have known that was never my intention, not even after thousands of lifetime, i may never have the heart to hurt your feeling! you should have known that! yes, now i agree with what a friend of mine once said to me, life is useless when you are living without your parent blessing, especially your mom. but don't worry. I won't do what you did. (didn't have the guts...huu)

but still, i think maybe that is why i cannot sleep after this few days because i never had a guilt this big!

happy mother's day once again mom... and dad, thank you for all you have done and sacrifice for our family. you are the greatest person i would always cherish in my whole life. no one can ever compete you. thanks for always be there for me, through good and bad, thanks for not getting mad at me for all the stupid mistakes that i always did and seems like never stop doing it. i am truly sorry for everything.

if only.....hmmm

its been raining all day till now (3.22p.m). its cold (a bit lah...huuu) n its cloudy...excellent environment 2 sleep (yay!) if only....hmmm
yesterday horoscope said dat i might inherit money n a piece of land! if only! hmmm
today's? my lucky time is at 2. but i was lost in wonderland(sleeping) whoa....my bad....i wish im awake dat time, juz 2 find out how lucky i wud b...if only....
n da worst thing is my significant other's horoscope : its time 2 look elsewhere...hmmm...specifically where?....at me la....heee...if only
stil stuck here, like a stone,doing nothing n time seems like nvr ticking! was it worth it? i hope it wud b paid off n i'll hv fun there ( sumwhre only we kno ) hmm
last nite, my friends n i, celebrate our beloved and adorable friend's bday. juz da 6 of us there, lepak2 mkn kek smpai nk muntah....huuu ( terigt kek dat he bought 4 my besday...evntho its not my fav, but anything frm him makes my heart melt....n still melting...haha )