i hope you are happy too

how could you ever do this to me?

finally, you have the courage to tell me the truth, that you cheated on me. now it's 3:05 a.m, nov 29th we are officially through. even though you did not tell it to my face, but at least you have stop lying to me. i really don't want this to happen. i am so deeply in love with you. but still you want to let me go. i have give you a chance to be part of my life and you say no. so i don't want to beg anymore. my heart you've shattered. i hope i can be okay in the future with all the little pieces that was left.

and for you my dear love, it is okay with me. i will never hold grunge against you. you deserve the best in your life. i hope she can make you happier than i ever could. it is alright if you have found yourself someone new. i really wish you all the best in life and hope you will always be true to yourself. yeah i agree with you. life is tough. and you taught me how tough it can be.

heartless

as usual, i cannot sleep well. i woke up early but i force myself to continue sleeping because i hate waking up. the moment i open my eyes, tears falling down. every time i cry, my lips will get dry. every time i smile, this dry lips of mine will crack and bleed. and when it bleed, people will know that i have cried again. how can you be so heartless and do this to me?
how long will i have to put on this poker face? i feel like an absolute clown. now you never seems to bother about me at all. but why can't i feel the same way about you too? for all i know, this is all started from you. help me to understand why you hate me so much. tell me that i have been a bad person and the things that i have done wrong. it is better to be blame for all the wrong you did rather than be blame for something you did not do at all.

sad doesn't describe this at all

it's been quite sometime since my last blog. been quite busy for this is my last semester here and with my thesis to complete and everything. i have neglecting my "terompah besi" for months now...huu

now, i am back to where i used to be. lost and confuse with how you feel about me.you have been ignoring me for weeks now. sometime i wish to let go of everything and forget all about us. but i can't. what ever i do, it always lead me back to you. i cannot stop thinking about you. how can you be so cruel and left me wondering all alone about all of this. seriously, i don't know where we stand. i need to make my decision. but i cannot think at all right now when all you do is just quiet. your silent is killing me. it is eating me alive! i need to see the truth and brake away from this. but there is still apart of me that still clinging on to you and would be willing to accept and believe what ever you say... you have been the most important person in my life, and you will always be. i can't seem to find a way to forget you. sometime i wonder if you ever think of me the way i do now.

i have share so much of who i am with you. it takes time for me to really accept you at first because i am not the kind of person who share everything with people. i always keep everything to myself. how happy or how sad i was, no one knows (and no one wouldn't care less) and now it is even harder for me to forget what we have build all this while. you are the only one that i feel i can give all my trust and hope to. now you have broke that trust little by little. everything you have promised me you didn't keep it. everything you said you would do, you didn't do. i am not going to sound selfish because i know i am not perfect. for all the stupid mistakes if i have done, i am really sorry. believe me, i never meant to do it. i never want you to feel sad or being a burdensome. but if we are keep on going to be like this, nothing will change. we will be stuck here forever, with me trying to reach you, and being ignored by you over and over again.

i just want you to know, whatever it is that going on with you, i need to know that too. don't left me playing the game that is over long time ago. all i want to do right now is just to talk to you. please understand me. i won't force you anything. i will just listen to your decision and i will make mine too. whatever it is, i will always love you. i will always care about you...goodnight.