sad doesn't describe this at all

it's been quite sometime since my last blog. been quite busy for this is my last semester here and with my thesis to complete and everything. i have neglecting my "terompah besi" for months now...huu

now, i am back to where i used to be. lost and confuse with how you feel about me.you have been ignoring me for weeks now. sometime i wish to let go of everything and forget all about us. but i can't. what ever i do, it always lead me back to you. i cannot stop thinking about you. how can you be so cruel and left me wondering all alone about all of this. seriously, i don't know where we stand. i need to make my decision. but i cannot think at all right now when all you do is just quiet. your silent is killing me. it is eating me alive! i need to see the truth and brake away from this. but there is still apart of me that still clinging on to you and would be willing to accept and believe what ever you say... you have been the most important person in my life, and you will always be. i can't seem to find a way to forget you. sometime i wonder if you ever think of me the way i do now.

i have share so much of who i am with you. it takes time for me to really accept you at first because i am not the kind of person who share everything with people. i always keep everything to myself. how happy or how sad i was, no one knows (and no one wouldn't care less) and now it is even harder for me to forget what we have build all this while. you are the only one that i feel i can give all my trust and hope to. now you have broke that trust little by little. everything you have promised me you didn't keep it. everything you said you would do, you didn't do. i am not going to sound selfish because i know i am not perfect. for all the stupid mistakes if i have done, i am really sorry. believe me, i never meant to do it. i never want you to feel sad or being a burdensome. but if we are keep on going to be like this, nothing will change. we will be stuck here forever, with me trying to reach you, and being ignored by you over and over again.

i just want you to know, whatever it is that going on with you, i need to know that too. don't left me playing the game that is over long time ago. all i want to do right now is just to talk to you. please understand me. i won't force you anything. i will just listen to your decision and i will make mine too. whatever it is, i will always love you. i will always care about you...goodnight.